I think the first times was the hardest thing I've ever had to witness. He had what was called Grand Mal Siezures. Really, really bad ones. Some of them lasting nearly 5 minutes from start to finish. That first week was a long one. He had them about 3 hours apart like clockwork. The vet doped him up with Phenobarbital and sent us home in hopes that they would stop when the meds kicked in. They didn't, so back we went and the vet doped him up with Valium that made him somewhat of a semi conscious state for about 2 days. The valium I guess in a way can work almost as a "reset button" for the brain and nervous system. I prayed that when he came out of it the siezures would stop and he would be our happy healthy dog again.
About 3 days later he was *nearly* back to himself and the siezures stopped. We continued the Pheno for 6 months 2 times a day, never missing a pill. After a check up the vet was hopeful that since he hadn't had a siezure in 6 months that we should back him off the meds and see what happens. We cut back to 1/2 a pill twice a day, then half a pill once a day and still no siezures. All was well for about 3 weeks if I remember correctly. Then the siezures started up again. So the vet said that Kodi would have to be on 1 pill 2x a day for the rest of his life. We had to be really carefull never to miss a pill.
Long term Pheno use can cause some pretty severe liver damage so we had to routinely monitor the levels in his blood to make sure we weren't causing him harm. There's also a whole bunch of other problems that it could cause from what I understand. He has occasionally had a siezure here or there. And sometimes when we woke up in the morning we would suspect he had one because his bowls would be knocked over or he would be acting oddly. It was something that we had come to terms with and were able to handle.
Fast forward to Saturday, Trav calls me at work and said that Kodi had a siezure. Then about 3 hours later he had another, and another. Gave me flashbacks to the first go around. He was having "cluster siezures" again. Cluster siezures can be very dangerous. His body wouldn't even be recovered from one and he'd start again. After he came out of siezure he was very unpredictable. Sometimes a little snarly and snappy, understandably so. I couldn't blame him. The vet had told us after a siezure there can be temporary blindness and hearing loss due to the lack of blood circulating to the brain. The vet had told us last time that every cluster siezure he has could cause damage.
Trav and I that night had a long talk and came to the conclusion that it was best for Kodi to end his suffering. It was a very tough conclusion to come to but the alternatives were potentially tough choices as well. If we up'd his meds any more it was sure to cause harm to him. He definately suffering. If he was upstairs with us he was whining and pacing the whole time. If he was outside or in the basement he was howling. We also had to consider the potential he had to harm Trevor if he was in the wrong place at the wrong time someday when Kodi came out of a siezure.
I haven't slept much the last 2 nights. I wanted to spend time with Kodi sitting and cuddling with him but all he would do was pace. He wouldn't sit still. :o( We had some valium left over from the first time so we gave him a few doses of valium on sunday. It wasn't enough to knock him out but it seemed to help just a little bit. Sunday evening he didn't have any more but he was still acting odd. Pacing and whining and doing the howling thing. It was erie.
So this morning I made the call to my Vet. He's a wonderful person and was very understanding. I just couldn't keep it together and choke out the words of what was going on. He understood what I meant even though I couldn't bring myself to say it. And he thought that we had made the right decision for Kodi. I told him that I wanted to wait until later that afternoon so that I could spend some time with Kodi today.
We were blessed with a warm, beautiful fall day and spent alot of time outside. He was *almost* back to his usual self which in someways made it harder, and in other ways better. Harder because it made me question if we were doing the right thing. Better because that was more how I wanted to remember him. He chased a rabbit and a squirrel while I was raking leaves. I threw the tennis ball alot for him to fetch. He chewed on a few sticks, played in the leaves, pretty much did all of his favorite things. He ate a rotten green tomato that was left over from our tomato plants. Normally I would have scolded him but I didn't see the point.
We took some pictures, he and Trevor played a little in the leaves. Trav gave him a big hunk of ham which normally would not have been something he would have gotten to eat. He got tons of treats and of course tons of hugs and kisses from me. I'm so glad it was a nice day.
When it was time to go I leashed him up and as always he picked up his leash and carried it in his mouth. He has done that ever time I've ever leashed him ever since the first time I took him for a walk when he was just a puppy. He was happy to go in the van which of course made me sad. Like any dog, he loves a car ride, no matter what the trip. The whole way there he sat right beside me and was such a good boy. Usually he tries to run around the car like crazy, but he was strangely mellow. I imagine he was sensing my mood.
Our vets office has a really nice little pond with a waterfall and a bench. We sat there for a bit before going in. I had pretty much started to lose it by that point. I'm really thankful that they got us in a room pretty much right away. We gave him a bunch more treats that were in the room. When the vet came in the room he had only kind reassuring words. Neither Trav nor I wanted to be present. Last night I was thinking that I did, that I owed him that to be by his side. And that I wanted to remember him peacefully going to sleep. But after spending the early afternoon with him, I decided that was how I wanted to remember him, bounding joyfully around the yard like he always did.
Walking into the house on the way home carrying his leash and collar in my hands the tags jingled like they always did when he was running around and it rattled me a bit. Walking into the house and it was completely silent, seeing the door to the stairwell left open by my brother in his rush to leave for work. No need to shut it since Kodi was no longer in the basement stairwell where we kept him when we couldn't keep a close eye on him. These things really made it hit home that he was really gone and that I would not see him again. I'm sure over the next few days/weeks alot of things like this will hit me. I'm sure unconsciously I'll think about letting him out, giving him his pill or feeding him.
~Sigh~ I know we made the right decision for him but damn is this tough to deal with. And of course I'm an emotional pregnant girl right now anyway. I have some other stuff to update and maybe I'll be back later tonight to do that, or maybe not. Anyways here's some pictures, puppy pics of Kodi and some taken today.
1 comment:
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know he is one of the family.
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