I'm a donkey on the edge

Gaaaahhhhhh stress is my middle name these days.

I ~LOVE~ my job. Note the sarcasm. Ahhh the power of positive thinking. Does it work? Ummmm nope! I'm understaffed and working a ton of hours. I'm not sure when my one girl is coming back from medical leave and I'm training a new girl. So far so good with her, I've got my fingers crossed. My regional sales manager is breathing down my neck. I am EXPECTED to make sales plan for the month. (I'm a optical store manager.) If I don't we are going to have a "documented conversation" (IE write up) at month end. Not to mention that my $ sales plan is big time ridiculous. And for the year I'm down about 66%. I try not to think that there is no way I'm going to do it. But really there is no way. I'm trying my hardest and it pisses me off that my boss only focuses on the negative. He's seriously the biggest jerk I've ever met and there's been a lot of turnover in my region because he's such an ass.

So then my optometrist lands in the hospital with a minor heart attack. He's a wonderful guy and I'm worried sick about it. And what makes me even sicker is that I'm worried that him being out is just one more hurdle that I have to jump to avoid the inevitable write up at the end of the month. No Doctor = No appointments = less sales. I feel like crap that I'm worrying about myself when he's in the hospital.

And so begins the job hunt. It makes me sad because 2 years ago I really thought I would retire with this company. I loved my job and never used to have a day where I hated to go into work. Now it's a struggle every day just to be there. I've had an interview with a company I would love to work for that is opening a new store in my town. I really hope I get the job. I think the interview went well but they said it would be 3-4 weeks before they make any decisions. The suspense is killing me. I've spent my entire day off on monster and yahoo jobs with a squirming baby trying to eat the keyboard and wishing I had earplugs to at least somewhat tone down the constant whining of a 2 year old.

I think Jayden is teething so she has been cranky all day. Nothing keeps her happy for very long. I don't know what is wrong with Trevor. He hasn't eaten much of anything in 2 days and throws most of his food on the floor. He whines all.day.long.

I've never been one prone to anxiety attacks but I think I've been having one constantly since last Wednesday when my boss said he would be in my store the next day and we have to have a serious conversation. I just have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, constantly on the verge of tears, super cranky and can't sleep at night. I was so thankful I had a few extra Ambien pills from my hospital meltdown with Jayden because last night I really needed. Too bad I felt the same when I woke up this morning. But at least I was able to sleep.

I know my problems could be a lot worse and they pale in comparison to what so many others are going through at this very moment. I know that I'm being a whiny baby. But venting makes me feel just a tiny bit better along with job hunting that I did today. So maybe tomorrow I can go to work and not be a puddle of tears and maybe just maybe I can go to sleep tonight without the drug induced coma.

A girl can dream right? LOL, on a side note, I'm just wondering if 2 is too young to watch the baby while I go take a long hot bubble bath and enjoy a glass of wine. Of course I'm kidding...I drank all the wine last night and Trevor poured all the bubble bath down the drain. Tee Hee.